Let’s talk about the thing so many women whisper about, joke about, or silently grieve.
The loss of desire.
Not just for sex, but for touch, connection, curiosity, and sometimes even for ourselves.
For women in perimenopause and menopause, changes in libido are rarely just physical. They reach into identity, confidence, relationships, and self trust. They make women question who they are becoming and whether something essential has slipped away.
And too often, when women finally gather the courage to ask for help, they are dismissed. Minimized. Told to accept it as the price of getting older.
This blog post exists to say what women have been trying to say for decades.
Something real is happening.
And it matters.
I had a very honest conversation with my friend Andrea Donsky, on the Wake Her Up podcast about our new research we gathered about Libido during menopause. Andrea Donsky is, a 7 time published menopause researcher, nutritionist for more than 20 years, and co founder of www.wearemorphus.com, a research and supplement brand dedicated to supporting women through perimenopause and menopause. Needless to say SHE KNOWS HER STUFF!
🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode here
Together, Andrea and I unpack newly published research that finally puts data behind what women have been feeling in their bodies, bedrooms, and relationships for years.
Below is a summary of that research, followed by what it actually means for real women and where we go from here.
Women’s Sexual Health: Understanding Libido Changes During Perimenopause and Menopause
AUTHORS: Andrea Donsky, nutritionist (RHN) James A. Simon, MD, CCD, MSCP, IF, FACOG, NCMP, IntimMedicine Specialists Marcella Hill, Wake Her Up
The research revealed something that may not surprise women, but should deeply concern the medical community.
91% of women in perimenopause and menopause
reported a noticeable decrease in libido or sexual desire.
66% reported a reduced ability to achieve orgasm.
Women in menopause reported even greater declines than women in perimenopause.
Most women did speak up. They talked to healthcare providers, partners, friends, family members, therapists, and even colleagues.
And what were they told?
Some were advised to use lubrication or hormone therapy. Others were told to take antidepressants. Many were told to have sex anyway, regardless of desire. Some heard phrases like “use it or lose it” or were advised to lose weight.
And the worst: “Sometimes you gotta take one for the team”.
Libido is so much more than how much sex you want. It is your desire for connection. The loss of desire is significantly impacting marriages.
34% described their relationships as
feeling like they were living as roommates.
This research matters because libido changes are not rare, imagined, or insignificant. They affect how women feel about themselves and how they experience connection.
They also reveal a painful gap in education, compassion, and care.
What This Research Tells Us About Women’s Lives
These findings confirm what women have been saying quietly and loudly for decades.
Libido changes during perimenopause and menopause are common. They are impactful. And they are deeply personal.
Yet instead of being met with curiosity and care, many women are met with dismissal.
Being told to “take one for the team,” to accept diminished pleasure, or to silence desire sends a clear message.
Your needs come last.
Your body exists for others.
That message disconnects women from themselves.
Your voice and your experience matters.
Libido Is Not Just Physical
Hormones matter. But libido is shaped by so much more than estrogen and testosterone.
It is influenced by emotional safety, relationship dynamics, cultural conditioning, spiritual trauma, and deeply internalized beliefs about aging, worth, and desire.
When women are taught that pleasure is optional, selfish, or something to be earned, desire often shuts down as a form of self protection.
Healing libido is not just about prescriptions.
It is about permission.
Where Women Go from Here
This research is not meant to leave women feeling broken or hopeless.
It is meant to point them inward.
That answer may include
- Education about hormones and sexual health- PRE ORDER Nourishing Menopause by Andrea Donsky
- Supportive, informed healthcare providers
- Nutrition and lifestyle changes
- Addressing spiritual trauma and limiting beliefs
- Honest conversations with partners
- Reclaiming pleasure as valid and worthy
GET YOUR HORMONES CHECKED BY A HORMONE THERAPIST
A Conversation That Continues
In the Wake Her Up podcast episode supporting this post, Andrea Donsky and I go beyond the statistics.
We talk about the emotional, relational, and spiritual layers that numbers alone cannot capture.
Andrea also shares insights from Nourishing Menopause: Powerful Nutrition and Lifestyle Strategies to Feel Your Best, offering practical, evidence based tools women can actually use.
